I actually wrote the title to this post on Valentine’s Day. I have struggled to find the words to say what I want to say without coming across the wrong way. I will probably still come across the wrong way. But I feel like now I have to say what I want to say. Especially after a guy sent me a message saying “Fine fuck off you ignorant bitch”. I had no other messages from this chap but I assume I had just deleted them because I had no interest in replying to this guy. I used to reply to guys I wasn’t interested in, to decline politely. But that got me so much abuse and harassment that I swiftly stopped.
It is people like that who confirm to me that my being picky and selective in choosing who I talk to online is the right thing for me. And that waiting to really like someone before I will meet them is definitely how I want to proceed moving on. Especially with seeing how quickly men change when you don’t instantly give into them. There are so many men online who seem to think they are entitled to have women reply. There are various reasons I wont reply to a man; I don’t fancy them, their profile doesn’t entice me, I don’t think we have much in common, bad spelling. But it is amazing how these thoughts never enter these guy’s heads and instead they just send you abuse berating you for not replying… after having already ignored 4 previous messages.
I am straying from the topic now. Basically I have decided what I want romantically. Now that I have decided it is easier for me to pick and choose people I could see something happening with. At the same time I am in no rush to go off with just any body. I am lonely. I do wish I had someone. But that does not mean I will run off with anyone. I know the aspects of past relationships that I did not like. And they are things I am looking to avoid this time around. There are certain aspects that I do want. For example in the past I have always been the one making plans or romantic gestures. This time I want to be with someone who does that without prompting. I no longer want to be the one holding up a relationship or fueling it’s fire.
Also for too long I chose guys who were mildly into me. From now on I am only willing to invest time in people who invest time in me. Who think I am worthwhile and are dying to be with me and show me off. Someone who shows their work friends a photo of me when we start chatting, the way I would show a photo to the girls in work. Someone who thinks the sun shines out of my arse basically. I have found that that is very hard to find. Even recently I went on a number of dates with someone in a short period of time then boom. Over, they didn’t get what they want and decided to just end things with a lame, made up excuse. I don’t want that. I want someone who is prepared to go at my speed, consider my likes, dislikes and interests, who will work on things and most importantly make me feel like I matter.
I may be asking a lot. But I am prepared to wait until I find it.