Why I am taking my time

I actually wrote the title to this post on Valentine’s Day. I have struggled to find the words to say what I want to say without coming across the wrong way. I will probably still come across the wrong way. But I feel like now I have to say what I want to say. Especially after a guy sent me a message saying “Fine fuck off you ignorant bitch”. I had no other messages from this chap but I assume I had just deleted them because I had no interest in replying to this guy. I used to reply to guys I wasn’t interested in, to decline politely. But that got me so much abuse and harassment that I swiftly stopped.

It is people like that who confirm to me that my being picky and selective in choosing who I talk to online is the right thing for me. And that waiting to really like someone before I will meet them is definitely how I want to proceed moving on. Especially with seeing how quickly men change when you don’t instantly give into them. There are so many men online who seem to think they are entitled to have women reply. There are various reasons I wont reply to a man; I don’t fancy them, their profile doesn’t entice me, I don’t think we have much in common, bad spelling. But it is amazing how these thoughts never enter these guy’s heads and instead they just send you abuse berating you for not replying… after having already ignored 4 previous messages.

I am straying from the topic now. Basically I have decided what I want romantically. Now that I have decided it is easier for me to pick and choose people I could see something happening with. At the same time I am in no rush to go off with just any body. I am lonely. I do wish I had someone. But that does not mean I will run off with anyone. I know the aspects of past relationships that I did not like. And they are things I am looking to avoid this time around. There are certain aspects that I do want. For example in the past I have always been the one making plans or romantic gestures. This time I want to be with someone who does that without prompting. I no longer want to be the one holding up a relationship or fueling it’s fire.

Also for too long I chose guys who were mildly into me. From now on I am only willing to invest time in people who invest time in me. Who think I am worthwhile and are dying to be with me and show me off. Someone who shows their work friends a photo of me when we start chatting, the way I would show a photo to the girls in work. Someone who thinks the sun shines out of my arse basically. I have found that that is very hard to find. Even recently I went on a number of dates with someone in a short period of time then boom. Over, they didn’t get what they want and decided to just end things with a lame, made up excuse. I don’t want that. I want someone who is prepared to go at my speed, consider my likes, dislikes and interests, who will work on things and most importantly make me feel like I matter.

I may be asking a lot. But I am prepared to wait until I find it.

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Should I Feel Flattered?

Dear Diary, I mean blog. Yes you have been neglected for a while but for good reason. I was going through a tough time and I needed to spend some time with myself and just be Lynn Jo. I promised I would no longer write for the sake of it and that when I did write it would be because I had something to say or because I was inspired.

Today is that day!!

Below is an something I posted to Instagram not too long ago.

And it was just something that irked me. To be honest it is something that has bothered me for a number of years, through my experiences with Tinder or dating apps, but today it just came to a head. Who in their right mind opens up someone’s profile and thinks to themselves, “Oh I will ask this girl I have never spoken to if she likes kinky sex”? Like seriously? Why would that thought occur to everyone. Now don’t get me wrong. I know some people are on these sites purely for that. And I don’t condemn that at all. People are fully entitled to be into and look for that. But I find something very off about it being your opening line. Especially when my profile in no way suggests I am looking for No Strings Attached Fun, let alone kinky sex from the get go. 



Can I just specify that whilst I am not too sure what I am looking for romantically at the moment I did make an effort with my profile, so that it would attract the right sort of people ie people with similar interests to myself.
But I just really can’t comprehend why that person felt that was an okay message to send. Maybe I will ask him…
I would love to know your opinions on this. Do you think a message like that is okay to send a stranger? Or is it completely crossing a line?

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Things I can’t find the words to say…

**I realise that this is an ‘unscheduled’ blog post but when I set up this blog it was so that I could have a place to vent and that is what I need to do now. So you can feel free to skip this post as it would probably be of no interest to anyone. Normal posts will resume after my QFA exam.**
When my Nana died I knew it would hit me hard. If only I had realised how hard or that it would affect me more four years later than it did when it happened. Not that there would have been a lot I could do. It would still have happened.
I am never one to talk about my feelings or things that upset me. This blog was meant to help me do that yet in the excitement of becoming a ‘blogger’ I forgot that that’s what it was here for. To be honest when I went for counselling after my Nana died I barely even talked about my Nana, instead I blathered on about other crap. Perhaps I should have known then that problems would arise.
Now my Nana’s death affects me in a number of ways. Two main ways though.
The first is that I am missing things a lot more. Things I never thought I would miss. Like how my Nana made coddle or how good she could make soup from a packet. Things I will never again get to taste and it really makes me miss her and wish I had valued her more and bloody thought more of the things she did for me. You don’t realise until something is gone, how much you wish it was still here and how you should have made a better effort to indulge it whilst it existed.
While I can’t bring my Nana back I can do what I used to do, every so often, in her house and look through old photo albums which we thankfully have in our shed here in my house.
The other thing way I am affected is perhaps a much more detrimental one, and one I find it hard to describe. It is like I get into fits of rage over the littlest thing and I just SNAP. This might not be too bad but it’s always the most important person that this happens around. My boyfriend. Now he thinks it is a reflection on him but it isn’t. I have done this with anyone I have gotten close to over the past few years. Although with him it happens less often but it can be so severe. I go off on one and fight him until I walk out, dump him or say something so mean that I may as well have dumped him. Lately it hasn’t happened but when it does it is so bad. If I take a few minutes outside to breathe I normally calm down and come to my senses but normally this only happens when I storm out and the damage is already done. 
I adore Danny and this is not something I want to do to him. Yet it’s like I can’t control it, like I am possessed. And I am powerless to stop it. I recently did it again after it having not happened for a few weeks, I had earlier reflected on it and obviously jinxed myself, after the row I asked Danny why he thought it happened and he remarked that maybe good things scare me. I am beginning to see that he may be right, although perhaps it is more that I am afraid of going through another loss. 
I just wish I could fix it. He doesn’t deserve it and to be honest neither do I. There was a time when I thought maybe I was being manipulated into thinking I was in the wrong but I have realised I always am in the wrong. And I don’t deserve to go through a heartbreak I engineered. But how do I stop it when it is a force I am powerless toward…
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My Manchester Trip(s)

As all you regular visitors/followers on any of my sites will know. I have been to Manchester twice in the recent past. Once at the start of July and once at the start of August. You may also wonder why I have been there so often. It’s quite simple really. Danny, the boyfriend, is originally from Manchester, so it is the perfect excuse for a weekend away. When we went in July it was pretty much for a quick visit to see his mum as he hadn’t been home since early March. August was to see Anberlin in concert and spend some time with Danny’s sister for her birthday.
I always get so stressed before going away. I have to have everything planned in advance. But thankfully as we were going to visit Danny’s family I was able to leave it all up to him to sort both times. I mainly took charge of printing everything off and arranging a hotel for gig night. I also made sure we got to the airport on time. I did this by making sure we left the house four hours before our flight. It worked fine the first time when we were getting to the airport by bus. The second time not so much as we got a lift and had to arse about for some time. Ah sure. Better to be safe than sorry.
The one thing I was very worried about was actually getting to Danny’s mum’s house. Thing is she lives in a lovely little town called Ramsbottom. As lovely as it is it is still 40 minutes from Manchester City/Airport. The local taxi company had a deal on which was pretty handy. It cost us £25 to get to where we were staying. It was either that or get a Train, Bus, Metro and taxi.
I of course got some shopping in both times we went over. The July visit consisted of me getting disco pants and LOADS in Primark and pretty much cost me all my money. The second visit I was a bit more smart, choosing to invest wisely in make up brands I can’t get at home and such. To be honest though, the days in Manchester were probably the part of the trips I wasn’t too fussed about. At the end of the day shopping is shopping and I much preferred hanging around Ramsbottom than bashing around Manchester hoping to find nice presents. Especially when shopping grates on my nerves at the best of times.
The best part of the days where we were actually in Manchester City had to be staying in the Ibis Hotel and going to see Anberlin in Manchester University. Anberlin has been one of Danny’s favourite bands for a long time and they have decided to call it a day at the end of 2014. Before that day arrives they have released a final album and gone on a final world tour, which Danny had tickets for. The first song Danny ever got me to listen to was an Anberlin song and we have listened to them every day since so not only did he get to see his favourite band but I felt like I was also seeing mine. It was a bonus when we got to meet them all after. 
I love gigs, I love the music and the atmosphere and I had such a great time that night but I have to say the best part for me was dragging my sweaty, weary body into the shower after the gig and getting into a nice, plush, hotel bed. The shower was UNREAL even if it does look like the inside of the space ship.
I just realised I’m pretty much blabbering on and I don’t want to bore you. I’m sure if you wanted to know ALL about my trip you would have gone yourself. I will point out two more things I ADORED and then I will leave you to enjoy the rest of this not so awful day. Yes they are both food related.
The first is a restaurant called Spice Garden. It is Thai and the best you will ever get. The one problem is everything is cooked there and then and it is quite small but also takes take out orders, so you can be waiting on the food for a fairly long time. But I will say it is always worth it. Their Pad Thai is my favourite meal in the world and I genuinely can’t wait to go back to Ramsbottom to get it again.
The second is a café and again I look forward to going back again. We went there during our first visit and all I wanted when we got home was to go back to The Chocolate Café. I was so happy when Danny’s sister said she wanted to go there for her birthday. I have no pictures to show you how cute it is but basically downstairs is a little chocolate shop and upstairs is a café selling all manner of chocolate infused foods. They do the best hot chocolate I have ever have. I PROMISE I will get photos when I go back.
That’s all for me. My next post will be live just after the weekend as it is mine and Danny’s birthdays and I will delve a little further into my anxiety. Until then I will share the few photos I took on my trips with you.
PS. I’ve been shortlisted for the BEST LIFESTYLE BLOG in the BLOG AWARDS IRELAND. Thanks for all the support.
PPS. Please send me post ideas or #AskLynnJo questions via my email which is listed in my information 😀
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My First Kiss | Cringe Alert

So as usual I was moaning about how desperately alone I am, and the shit luck I have with the male sex, when the wonderful Brian from www.briantellsstories.com told me I should blog more about dating and my experiences with guys. Now I know I told ya’ll that I was done talking about guys and relationships on the blog because they never work out. But there is no reason I can’t talk about experiences that happened in the past… right? As Brian said, the world wants “gossip and juice” so I am gonna give it to you. 
Here is the story of my first kiss.
(apologies to the poor lad who features in this, I really hope you never see this)
Okay so I have told you all about the Gaeltacht before. For those of you who don’t know it is basically where Irish kids go to the most cut off and remote locations in the West of Ireland to spend an intense three weeks learning Irish. We all bond and speak Irish constantly and do activities and it is actually a great laugh. I’d imagine, that like me, most Irish teenagers who went to the Gaeltacht would have had their first kiss there.
Mine was with a guy called Niall. Niall was lovely. I don’t remember fancying him throughout the course of the three weeks we were in the Gaeltacht, but I did think he looked like Draco Malfoy so that led me to have a slight thing for him. For some reason I did tell him he looked like Draco Malfoy (he really didn’t bar the slicked back blonde hair).
On our second last night in the Gaeltacht we had the luxury of going to the cinema. This was Niall’s last night there as he would be leaving the next morning, a day early, to go away or something. At this stage we were already a thing(so to speak) or else everyone knew I liked him so naturally I was made to sit beside him. I was very embarrassed and shy. I don’t like that kind of attention. 
Oh you’ll never guess what movie we went to see. Yeah you guessed it. It was Harry Potter. Chamber of Secrets I want to say but I may be wrong. Anyway Niall got his arm around me. Then whispered in my ear, “This one’s for Draco” and proceeded to make his move. I’ll spare you all the gory deets but it was horrible. 13/14 year old me was traumatized. My face was really wet after. I’m pretty sure I kissed no one else for like a year after as a result. 
But yeah. There we go. Sorry Niall but it was a terrible kiss and you didn’t look like Draco. We did stay a couple for like a month after though even though he lived in like Sligo and I lived in Dublin. Ah sure.
What past relationship stories would you lot like to hear? Let me know in the comments below.
Also send me in your first kiss stories. I will share my top 5 and might even send a prize to my favourite, just to make it all better.
All my love,
Lynn Jo. xox